In a family life busy with soccer games, business meetings and household responsibilities, many families find it difficult to connect with one another on a regular basis. In the rush to try and get everything done, many families feel like they’re missing out. Parents feel they aren’t really connecting with each other, or with their kids – they’re just going from one activity or responsibility to the next. Most parents see their kids for just a few hours a day, and they tell me those hours are a chaotic blur.
I urge parents to develop family rituals that will help them to connect with their kids in the the precious time that they do have to share each day. Having a strong sense of belonging to a stable and nurturing family provides children with the foundation they need to tackle the challenges they will face in the wider world.
Here are some of the simple rituals I suggest to parents:
Eating meals together as a family regularly.
Meals should include family discussions and time for kids to share their experiences with their family and talk to their parents. Meals should not include televisions or phone calls (by children OR parents). Putting the world “on hold” to share a meal together signals to the children that they, and the family, are important.
Bedtime rituals for younger children.
I suggest parents set up a regular process of preparing for bed that can include reading a story, prayers together, or any other quiet activity that allows parents contact with their children and helps the child “wind down” for sleep. Parents are amazed that when children get into the habit of following a bedtime ritual, getting them to sleep is easier, and they begin to look forward to bedtime as a time to connect with their parents.
Spending time with children individually.
In a busy household with more than one child, getting time alone with a parent means a great deal to children. Individual time allows the child to share his/her interests with the parent, and for the parent to share his/her interests with the child. One-on-one time between child and parent may even minimize the child’s sense of needing to compete with siblings for attention. Parents may be concerned about finding the time to spend individually with their kids, but building a strong connection helps other aspects of homelife go more smoothly – this is a time investment that will pay off now and in the years to come.
There are other family rituals parents can develop to help bring joy and security to family life. These can range from holiday and birthday traditions to weekly family rituals. They don’t need to be complicated and they don’t have to require a lot of work on the part of parents or kids to be successful. Rituals don’t even need to be serious. I know of a family that had a special Green Eggs and Ham breakfast every once in awhile in honor of their child’s love of Dr. Seuss books and as a way to share time with one another. This simple breakfast ritual not only brought the family together, but gave the child the sense that his interests were acknowledged.
Little things can mean a lot over time. Although their son is now grown, this family still laughs about those silly breakfasts, and the son is planning on continuing this tradition when he has children someday.
Copyright © 2011 William E. Spaine, Psy.D. (Excerpted from Pathways, Fayetteville Psychotherapy Associates’ Newsletter, 2007, Volume 1, Number 2)